Multicultural Parenting and Dysfunctional Moms

We have all read about the different cultural parenting clichés, such as the Panda Dad, the Chinese überstrict parent with high expectations or the Jewish overbearing mother. Well, last week I discovered another one: the ‘French mother’. Last week I read two articles regarding parenting, one was about French parenting, how French mothers are permissive by giving their kids a lot of autonomy at a young age, and the other one was about the ‘All-American helicopter mom’, who hovers over her children constantly, tangling herself into dysfunctional patterns (i.e. she would even cut the applesauce if the child asked her to). I never thought about my parenting style but those articles just made me realize one thing: I am not a helicopter mom and I give my one-year old as much autonomy as possible. This revelation also made me grasp that my husband and I had different parenting styles based on our cultural difference which leads us to many clashes about parenting. He is more of the ‘All-American-hoverer’ category parent, where a parent’s worry is tantamount to love and my European autonomous style parenting is afflicted with neglect. For example, when we go to the playground, I let her run around as she pleases and socialize with other kids. My husband on the other hand will only be five inches away and pull her away as soon as she approaches any other child. At home, it’s a strict taboo for our daughter to touch any pens because in my husband’s opinion she could displace her eye with it. I on the other hand, see nothing wrong with a pen because it trains her fine motor skills and she loves them. 

The American author who wrote about French parenting seemed to have found a secret trick to parenting, but for me, the methods she described seemed just natural. The other article, to my defense, tallied numerous reasons why not to be a hover mom (e.g. not call the school because a child has stared at their child). Being a hover parent restrains the child’s development and spontaneousness, and feeds the parents with paranoia and depression. The longer I live in the US, and deal with other hoverers, the more it is rubbing off on me, forcing me to convert to hover-ism. In order to avoid rolling eyes and shaking heads from others when my child is trying to explore strange territory, I have to fit in to the social norm, which amongst others, entails hovering! I am trying to convince myself that the hover method has protective qualities I have never encountered before. I am starting to hover away my eyes and brain that it is just another disguise of paranoia!