Multicultural Parenting and Dysfunctional Moms

We have all read about the different cultural parenting clichés, such as the Panda Dad, the Chinese überstrict parent with high expectations or the Jewish overbearing mother. Well, last week I discovered another one: the ‘French mother’. Last week I read two articles regarding parenting, one was about French parenting, how French mothers are permissive by giving their kids a lot of autonomy at a young age, and the other one was about the ‘All-American helicopter mom’, who hovers over her children constantly, tangling herself into dysfunctional patterns (i.e. she would even cut the applesauce if the child asked her to). I never thought about my parenting style but those articles just made me realize one thing: I am not a helicopter mom and I give my one-year old as much autonomy as possible. This revelation also made me grasp that my husband and I had different parenting styles based on our cultural difference which leads us to many clashes about parenting. He is more of the ‘All-American-hoverer’ category parent, where a parent’s worry is tantamount to love and my European autonomous style parenting is afflicted with neglect. For example, when we go to the playground, I let her run around as she pleases and socialize with other kids. My husband on the other hand will only be five inches away and pull her away as soon as she approaches any other child. At home, it’s a strict taboo for our daughter to touch any pens because in my husband’s opinion she could displace her eye with it. I on the other hand, see nothing wrong with a pen because it trains her fine motor skills and she loves them. 

The American author who wrote about French parenting seemed to have found a secret trick to parenting, but for me, the methods she described seemed just natural. The other article, to my defense, tallied numerous reasons why not to be a hover mom (e.g. not call the school because a child has stared at their child). Being a hover parent restrains the child’s development and spontaneousness, and feeds the parents with paranoia and depression. The longer I live in the US, and deal with other hoverers, the more it is rubbing off on me, forcing me to convert to hover-ism. In order to avoid rolling eyes and shaking heads from others when my child is trying to explore strange territory, I have to fit in to the social norm, which amongst others, entails hovering! I am trying to convince myself that the hover method has protective qualities I have never encountered before. I am starting to hover away my eyes and brain that it is just another disguise of paranoia!

Universal Chauvinism

If you have watched or heard any news lately, you have probably noticed the buzz about whether contraception medication should be covered by health insurances. Now, Sandra Fluke, who spoke on behalf of contraception coverage in front of congress, finds herself in the political crossfire. A republican commentator called her derogative names and even associated her with prostitution by manipulating the subject into something where she wants to ‘get paid to have sex’. For some this may seem like political playhouse but the underlying subject is female authority and her sexuality- and both combined, quite frankly, intimidates some men! The same commentators who insulted Sandra also claim to live in the most progressive and greatest nation in the world. However, in my view they are not far from any other repressive, patriarchal, sexist nation.

Last week, after Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy won an Oscar for directing the documentary film Saving Face, she seized criticism for representing Pakistani men in a shamefully negative light. She exposed the torturous physical abuse women suffered when burned with acid by their husbands. Sharmeen and Sandra are both trying to promote female rights through their work. Likewise, the attacks at Sharmeeen and Sandra are very similar in nature –to silence them and the female voice in general. We still live in a world where verbal and physical attacks on women are tolerated, where women are sexualized and where the cultural perception is still alive that women are less worthy and come secondary - a mentality also known as double standard. Back to the subject of health insurance coverage, the beloved double standard has taken comical heights which can be summed up as following: Viagra that serves to enhance and maintain sexual pleasure for men is ok; contraception that averts unwanted pregnancies and other medical conditions (such as cysts on ovaries) for women not ok!? 

This is the very reason why women still have to fight for their rights.

Sim Sim Hamara

Sim Sim Hamara is the Pakistani version of The Sesame Street and was funded by the USAID with 20 billion dollars. The programs' goal is to promote early childhood education, with language, problem-solving, and critical thinking skills but also to "promote positive attitudes among young Pakistani audiences". To make it culturally relevant, the female puppets have dark braided ponytails and the puppets going to school wear uniform (which is very common in Pakistan).
Below is a link of its promo trailer.