Mysterious Code of Silence

The mysterious aura of celebrities is what makes us admire and follow them, until a reality show airs all their secret details and the mystery vanishes.  Even though reality shows have a large audience that follows them, it still falls under a TV genre that is frowned upon or lesser valued. I wonder if revealing all our secrets or intimate details is the reason for revulsion towards reality TV? Apparently, everyone across different cultures has some sort of code of silence, motivation or even encourages to keep quiet about certain topics. I experienced that people do not like to talk about money in America. In America, people are willing to share personal details, i.e. address, telephone number or email with cashiers and retailers, whereas, a German would never give out their personal information because it’s considered invading one’s privacy unless they are about to seal a business deal. The Asian secrecy is on an entire different level. In Pakistan, people keep the meekest details of life to themselves out of fear to chip their perfect façade of reputation, honor or to get caught in a verboten act.

What do you think are the reasons to keep quiet? Is it a cultural thing or is it just old fashioned to keep things to yourself?

Stop Spreading the News

Keeping things to oneself has some benefits, I suppose. I found some ‘good’ reasons to keep quiet about, as Psychology Today* reports on why to stop spreading the news. It says, actually telling about an event can dampen emotions as we revisit an event, we alter the emotional experience by analyzing the event. Then we rewrite the past and the story about an event might be the story last told to someone about that event. When talking about a goal, researchers show that we tend to talk up our goal, which gives us the sense of premature achievement and reduces the drive to actually achieve the goal. It also depends who we are sharing information with because not everyone responds well to good news, i.e. if the listener is passive, unresponsive or negative, telling them is actually going to overshadow your good news due to their bad mood. 

*Psychology Today March/April Issue

An Immigrant’s Soul

Immigrant. It is a bad word. It sounds foreign even though it is an English word. When Americans hear it they think of the Mexican landscaper who is in their front yard every other week, the Indian man at the gas station register or the Asian woman who politely smiles when we pick up our Kung Pao take-out order. Some even think the immigrants are enjoying a privilege and, therefore, should be thankful to Americans and the American government for allowing them to be here. However, only a few actually recognize what hardship these immigrants might have fled or hardships they still endure. Here is a snippet of what an immigrant goes through:

The typical immigrant starts their immigration process as early as the childhood, either because their parents are migrating or because they feel alienated in their own society. The typical immigrant knows someone who ‘made it’ abroad, went to collage or married a foreigner and they themselves want to ‘make it’ too - abroad. Partially, out of need to go- leave everything behind, survive and provide a fresh start for their children and partially out of admiration for the ones who ‘made it’ abroad. The TV shows promised them a flourished country with clean streets and clean government which comes with a big price tag – the immigration fees of couple of thousand dollars and the emotional toll to leave your family, neighbors, childhood friends and colleagues behind. In return, the typical immigrant expects a prosperous life without fearing poverty, institutionalized injustice, corruption, governmental or mafia persecution, religious or racial discrimination.

After arriving to the flourished land, the fear of poverty, injustice, and discrimination is still a constant companion of conscious. They feel lucky to find a modest accommodation to live out of the one or two bags they entered the new country in with. As they overpay for virtually everything while not having any credit at all, lack of information makes things harder as well. The status in the new society is low. Even well-educated immigrants fall into the bottom half of the society rank. The language and custom is cryptic making the new immigrant isolated and alienated immediately. Some may never be able to acquire the new language as they are crushed under the daily grind to provide for their dependents. ‘Legal Alien’ reads their new status. 

As the immigrant evolves from ‘Legal Alien,’ to ‘Permanent Resident,’ or even ‘Citizen’ something changes; not just the immigration status, but his/her psyche as well. During their evolution, the immigrant learned (half-condemning his/her own actions) to camouflage, disguising their former images to imitating the new façade. Their former cultural traditions, customs and behaviors are bleached down to just a few core entities, which are easy to align to the new society, such as food and religious practices. The immigrant has the real urge to fit in to ‘make it’. More than likely, the immigrant only associates with other immigrants from the same former region and possibly even form a sub-cultural entity in the new country because to the native people they are not more than the gas-station-Arab or the Korean-pedicure-lady. Then upon visiting their former homeland the immigrant feels another overwhelmingly emotion - alienated by their own former culture or society. As they gain in one country they lose some in the other. As they ‘made it’ in the new country, they catch themselves sitting between two stools where the quest for their real identity just begins.

                                                            Identity Crisis?